.travelog #11.

it was you again.
you've entered my dream again.
but i was avoiding you very badly.
because i know meeting you will hurt.

so i turn away.

.travelog #10.

i have kept this at bay.

and not knowing what is the best thing to do.

if i have the capacity, i would end this.

by turning you into my better half.

but i have chose this route.

and this journey gonna take few months more.

so for now i can't be that sure.

because i am not in control.

the least, i can only believe.

there is a hope whenever there is a sound.

and i don't how long you are going to drag me around.

i just can do whatever i can do.

and if you keep silent, there is nothing i can do.

but if you go.

i know i have Him.

because i am well aware.

of happiness, marriage and kids.

are not meant for everyone.

He decides.

we pray.

pray harder.

life goes on.

biiznillah.

.travelog #9.

for unanswered questions.

for acts without descriptions.

for the defiance expressions.

for the tears.

for the crying heart.

for what this is for.

the self destruction i am into.

for the lost connection with my Creator.

the feeling and energy that keep me going before.

i have lost.

or lose the road that loses me.

and without hesitations.

i need to change.

to be a better muslim.

.travelog #8.

of many days.
that are slower than last few days.
the eyes, the people ive met.
are things that i need.
when the heart is dying.

the greatest fear resurfaces.
with greatest pleasure, it seduces the hope to come back.
while we believe to just get along with it might not harm afterwards.
and to superficial thoughts that we created to justify things.
that have happened.
or happening.
is disastrous after all.

your presence, just need to stay there, as i wont leave.
for now.