.travelog #27.

at this verily moment.
i feel lost.
i feel i'm nowhere to be found.
i feel i have nothing to be proud of.
i feel so isolated.

i feel so weird.
about myself.

.travelog #26.

as we are grow older.

we are becoming more into our real selves.

and there are things we need to change.

and there are some parts we need to nurture.

skipping classes.

was fun.

adrenaline rush they call it.

excitement. elation. 

but you know. 

deep deep within you.

the guilt never leave.

they are always there.

never say what if what if.

it can be ridiculous at times.

dire in needs of good vibes?.

you apparently know where you can find it.

keep struggling.

loneliness is just one of the problems.

this is just a piece of cake.

iA.

.travelog #25.

march has been kind to me so far.
very kind.
really appreciate it.
the kind hearted people that came to me.
family, friends and strangers.

life goes on.
thanks to everyone.

thank you.

.travelog #24.

as always.
i just want to be a better muslim.
each and everyday.
and to never feel self-content with who i am.
of where i am.
of what i am.

and to feel grateful about my life.
His ni'mat.
from Him.

and family.
friends.
are always there for you.

"qul amantu billahi sumastaqim".

among first few hadith i memorized in matric.
when i was so into memorizing and understanding things.
i guess as i started to feel too comfortable when i was in my 3rd year.
and i've lost track.
i've been in ignorance.
thus wasted years later enjoying life.

but what is life rather than an amusement and we know afterlife has so much more to offer.

and the heart misses.
of times when things are mundane but feel so purposeful.
it reminds me of my furqan's verses.
to be the humble abd on His lands.
to walk while the head is facing the ground.
by realizing the nature of habluminnallah.

and indeed the journey.
is a struggle.
of every single qalb.

bismillah.
lets keep struggling.

.travelog #23.

Ya Allah swt.
give me the strength i need.
fill the space of emptiness in my soul by your love.
bless me with the patience in dwelling with sadness and despair.
no one wants to save me.
but i will stay still.
till the right one comes.

it is hard to accept.
the fact that she is not mine.
but life goes on.

because good ones aren't many.
and whether i can trust this gender again.
it will be very hard.
very.
for the next time.
if there is any.

is being gay an option after all?.

.travelog #22.

for where you are.
for things you are being grateful for.
for flaws that you keep doing.
for lessons learnt since you were here.
for the memories you wish shouldn't exist.

i will give myself.
a chance to be better.
loneliness kills.
but He is there.

I am a muslim.
I have priorities.
I have obligations.
I have responsibilities.

do the right things.
wait for the right gifts.

biiznillah.