.travelog #21.

i don't want to submit to my own feelings.
i am a muslim.
i have priorities.
i have obligations.

Allah swt know everything.
you know nothing.

keep living.
you know where to go.

.travelog #20.

i dreamt of you.
and it hurts.

go away. go away.

i am breaking myself apart.

.travelog #19.

you delivered a bad news.
the end of my journey to you.
and you make it sounds like it is nothing.
like you are the only one who affected by it.
selfish.

you are enjoying what are you having.
maybe the clouds of emotion blind me.
maybe you don't know how to protect your exclusivity.
but funny how hard i'm justifying how you can be good for my children.
when i am not even sure.
of who you are actually.
stupidity.

life goes on.

He knows best.

.travelog #18.

to feel that you want to be loved.
by a person.
while that is not actually the reason.

to feel that you already ready.
to have someone to build the family with
hurts.
when you don't have anyone in particular.

to feel that she is the one.
while you are just one of the many to her.
hurts so much.
and worst when.
she is just your imaginary one.

to feel alone.
is not a new thing.
it is the usual thingy.

but to see people raising their kids.
feel like you wanting to have them.
and teach them what are necessary to survive in this world.
and the compassions of parents.
in juggling between their many commitments.
thrills you.
in a way.

i want you.
any of you.
who accept me the way i am.
to just have values within you.
and the desire and ability to be a loving and nurturing mother.
and a kind heart.

if you are listening.
to this call.
i am waiting.

nothing good comes easy.
thus something good shall not wait.

desperation.
must be protected by His bless.

.travelog #17.

i have nothing.
i know nothing.
i am nothing.
i can offer nothing.
i say nothing.

but i am still grateful of everything.
everything that you have given to me.
my special One.
biizinillah.

.travelog #16.

call me stupid.
i would listen.
call me as a good one.
i would ignore.

the bad from me, the good from Him.
simple right?

.travelog #15.

the self denial.
the lies to make it through the day.
the smiles and laughters in disguise.
the one who is hurt and hurts others.

it is so confusing.
it has no clear solution.

because.
of hearts.

.travelog #14.

i believe in Him.
when i am emotionally dying.
when i am excessively out of of control.
when i am too excited.
when i am committing any sins.
when i am missing praying times by negligence or ignorance.

i will fight.
to get back to Him.

Alhamdulillah. He knows better.

.travelog #13.

so i just met this boy.
a younger brother of a friend who stays in london.
same age with my younger bro.
there is this common thing that we shared.
something that most guys would know.
and that is.
football.

but there is this thing about him.
that makes me feel so affected by his presence.
he reminds me of my younger brother.
for many reasons, yes, i already feel like he is my younger brother.
anf thus.
i couldn't give a proper goodbye.
because that's me.
i would leave anyone just like that.
just in one moment.
SNAP! and i'm gone.
because i'm a guy who get carried away easily.
in english, we call it tears.

but yeah.
5 months won't be long.
see you later in malaysia!.
:p

.travelog #12.

once again.
ive dreamt about you.
and to understand, i think the attachment is too strong for me to ignore.
i am sorry to myself.
that this is going nowhere.

it is alright.
Allah swt Maha Besar: