.lupus.

yang mati takkan kembali.
yang hidup tiada hati.
yang mencari tiada yang pasti.
yang tinggal cuma rangka berdiri.

yang betul hilang arah.
yang sesat sudah terlalu lama.
yang berpatah balik terkesima.
yang tinggal cuma rangka berdiri.

yang melihat sudah patah.
yang berjalan sudah pekak.
yang mendengar sudah buta.
yang tinggal cuma rangka berdiri.

yang berlari sudah tenggelam.
yang terbang sudah berhenti.
yang berjalan sudah jatuh.
yang tinggal hanya rangka berdiri.

yang berkata tidak berbunyi.
yang berbisik menyimpan isi.
yang berbunyi tiada misi.
yang tinggal cuma rangka berdiri.

rangka berdiri tak buat apa apa.
rangka berdiri hanya terkaku,melihat dan mendengar tanpa tujuan.
membiarkan dirinya hilang dalam pelupusan.
yang hidup membelakangkan Tuhan.

the blackout streetlight
;p

Young the Giant - "Strings" In The Open Session

the song of the night.;p

.so close to something left unknown.

the transmission of an affection.

perfect your satisfaction.

the vibes that lose its direction.

replace the missing fractions.

the hopes are losing their ways.

reaching an unknown destination.

while created out of their say.

resembles beatles' nowhere man it may.

blurry minded and blinded heart.

confused eyes and stupid thoughts.

flowing like a flood in thailand.

show some mercy on the mother land.

the truths are not the truth anymore.

the lies are not just lies i'm sure.

keep moving my steps off the ground.

i failed to change, there is no sound.

the astray dogs are looking at me.

thought they've seen a perfect meat.

no incarnation i can think of.

as i rather die for nothing now.

created out of nothing,for nothing.

2.11 am.

28th oct 2011.

iium

.the bitterness of internet scholars.

is it true?

that students nowadays.

have a better access to more information.

overloaded and limitless data from the internet.

but the not so good part is.

they are either knowing too much.

and understand too little.

or they understand too much.

and comprehend too little.

or they comprehend too much.

and think too little?

boring.-_-

goodnight guys.

2.19 am, 12.10.2011

from a pathetic guy who think that the world we are living is so full of inefficiencies and lack of the real energy.

too bad.

.when the least fall down too soon.

it's not unusual.

nor it is something normal.

it's the cliché of everyday's situation.

where we live in the world full of assumptions.

blink it once or twice.

the red narrow light caught your attention.

on the ceiling is the world of mice.

where none of the sounds seem to be an affection.

sometimes it's tiring,sometimes it's fun.

trying so hard to work on your dreams as yourself may.

can't yell at moon or shout at the sun.

because you are lost when you have nothing to say.

gibberishly speaking.

none of us are sinking.

but the least.

do.

no idea what i'm talking about?

-_-

.haze.

behind it,you can't tell.

the surface of underlying truth is coloured by an artificial pretentious cover.

the sound that is coming out from it tells a different story.

and thus, the truth is still not being uncovered by any of your fury.

the sickness of hopes have let yourself down.

the perfect lies are the one who make you still standing strongly.

but too bad and it is too late that you have awake.

of reaching the point that we are all fake.

amusingly claimed that you know what is wrong with the world.

while you have failed to know what is wrong with you.

your idealistic mind is not suitable.

to exist in the world while we are all still puzzled.

by everything.

the confused soul.

Friday, October, 2011

.mesmerized.

i am not a mr nice guy.

i am not a socialite.

and thus people don't easily get comfortable being around me.

and for that i am sorry.

for them.

and for myself.

i have tried my best.

or still trying.

to win everybody's heart.

but it is proven.

that i failed.

.the least of everything.

guilt.
indecisive mind.
losing hopes.
confused.
in ignorance.

yet i am still holding on to my dreams.
to be someone who can contribute towards ummah development.
to be a catalyst of the ummah that can achieve better things.
and i need Him.
along the way.

.till today i am not sure.

why exactly i rejected the offer.
"too soon to be sure of things" someone has told me.
"are you sure?" the other half asked.
and no matter how i am justifying the reasons to them.
i know deep deep down.
those aren't the truth.

the only reason.
is unclear but yet i could feel it.
perhaps the feel of wanting more options could be the reason.
maybe the idea of going back to audit life seems to be more pleasing.
or to continue studying and be a lecturer can be taken into consideration.
and that has forced me not to accept the offer.

one would beg to get the entrance of this bank.
while i am left with 2 stages soon after my last final paper.
and i appreciate their thoughts.
but the answer was the answer and that's it.
end of discussion.

i might not know everything.
i might be wrong sometimes.
i might be stupid at few moments.

but surely.
i believe in dreams.
in this case.

.i have climbed up the small mountain.

and why should i come down now.
because i have another mountain to climb up next.
unless.
the route i am taking to another mountain requires me to do so.

but in this situation.
i am certain.
that this is not the case.
so how?why?what to do?.

there is nothing wrong with having high expectations.
in my case, my high expectations seem to be pragmatic and realistic.
so it all make sense when i am emotionally feel unsatisfied with kind of lecturers i am meeting everyday in this semester.
absolutely unsatisfied.

dear sir and madam.
i am expecting you to be someone who is idealistic than what you are giving me right now.
your answers and statements are expected even before you open your mouth.
i need critical views with somehow wise judgements.
not a textbook answers anymore.

please sir and madam.
i am dying right here.
i rather listening to my friends who know things that are happening in the real world.
than your book smart answers.
i had enough.
of those.

if somehow i decided to end my career by being a lecturer.
i will train my students to think like a pure decision makers.
with actions and plan in their head.
the book answers are the guidance.
but the best would be the critical thinking.
the real life situations.

i personally believe i want more from people like you.
with "prof' and "emeritus prof" rank at the beginning of your name.

i am honestly.
frankly.
wholeheartedly.

"disappointed".

and do not blame me for skipping out your classes.
i have tried my best.
to accept you for who you are.

*brain drain*

.i rather not to be.

in discussions where the other party seems to believe everything he/she is saying is right.
and no exception shall be given for that.
i feel that kind of person is pathetic.
and thus.
i am not interested in arguing.
with that kind of people.

lately.
words that are coming out from my mouth seems to be something unpleasant to hear.
indecent words.funny at times.
but annoying and disgusting all the time.
and i seem to make fun of everybody around me.
without limit.
and that shall stop.
now.

.an optimist who is drowned in the sea of pessimists.(not mine - wani ardy)

superficial.
when it has no direction.
when it has no meaning for its existence.
when it has no reasons to believe in it anymore.

flawed.
when you are losing faith in a faith based system.
when no one bothers the real intention of its creation.
when the hundred years effort is serving the needs of the living beast.

desolated.
when the stages it needs to fully serve its intention are
nowhere to be seen.
nowhere to be builded upon.
nowhere to believe in at this very moment.

revise everything.
re-evaluate the whole thing.
re-structure the whole system.

i had enough of believing.
when i see the one who preaches failed and give up on it.
when the culprits who practicing it bother no more.
to stay on the right path.
if it all falls down in the next 15 years.
remember things that u've read in this post.
those things are the flaws of.

islamic banking and services.

12th September 2011.

.the day has come.

do not compare singapore and malaysia.
the sizes are obviously different.
the initial stage was different.
the complexity of issues and problems are different.
so stop comparing.
an apple with a durian.
we are smelly but surely we have the sweet taste as well.
don't you think so?.

.i am waltzing jibberishly in the rain.

.do you know,when your heart is confused,there is no song that can rhymes with the sound of your heart?.
.except one melody.
.and that is the recitation of His verses.

selamat hari raya.
maaf zahir batin.
taqaballallahu minna wa minkum salihal a'mal.

.in the grey area.

i want to have it all.
professional certs and master plus Phd.
i want to have a taste of everything.
corporate field and academic world.
i want to be good at everything.
religion,academic and working field.

money is not the motivation.
even self satisfaction can be misguided at times.

perhaps.
i just want to keep getting better and better.
and be capable of contributing something towards the society.
something significant.
but without any recognition.
will i be able to do that?

yet still figuring which is the best.
for my first step.
;/

.i want to have that glimpse again.

of things that i really want.
of being someone that i really want to be.

fears.
have stopped me from running again.
they said i don't deserved anything else anymore.
the judgmental people have displayed their perfect tone.
strike me right in the heart of this weak fragile soul.

i.
rather be in a place where i have nothing to worry about.
where there is no expectation of what i wanna do.
where the body feel like giving out its very best.
and the energy wasted for no one's satisfaction.

procrastination.
of things that are meaningful to me is not a big deal.
but when it involved someone else's rights, i have to avoid it at my very best.

winning is desirable, losing is inevitable
because the world works that way.
some call it the law of nature.
while i call it a "sunnatullah".

.random fact #4.

how often you meet people who seem to look like smarties.(smart people)
act, speak, behave and absolutely no doubt that they are really smart.
putting down facts and their own propositions in every issues.
and you believe in them more than you believe in yourself.
BUT
too bad that most of the time.
i know how to differentiate between the real smarties and the people who seem to look like smarties.
how?
that's for me to know.

biiznillah.:)

.bang bang shoot shoot is john lennon's.

i bet none of you know whats the title of this post all about.
who cares anyway.:p

2 years ago.
there was this one moment.
when i couldn't comprehend what sinking fund was all about.
and i decided to skip the whole class the next day and went back home.
i decided on the day when i was fasting.not ramadhan though.
to go klcc tgv's and watch a movie alone before headed home.
bought a mineral and snacks into the movie.
a yasmin ahmad's masterpiece talentime was the only company.
i cried in the movie pathetically.
alone and tragically.
while break fasting with the mineral and snacks while in the movie.
it was so legend (wait-for-it) dary moment for me.

and a day later.
when i was in a shower.
suddenly i start to noticed how the process of sinking fund works.
and that was the moment when i officially mastered sinking fund without a single doubt.
guess who is great? my Creator.
and that is one of the numberless magical moments that i will always remember.

pathetic much?
pathetic is the synonym of my name.
too bad.
;-)

.random #3.stupid request.

during my internship in one of the local banks.
i have done number of analysis.
be it industry,internal performance and timeline analysis.
but not until the senior manager asked me.
to conduct a research on , let say we call it project a.

so the project was an in-depth analysis.
experts comments, newspaper and magazine excerpts, data, facts I got from governmental websites locally and internationally.
to be the standard analysis which we called a secondary data.
but i with my own stupidity initiated a pilot project to support the analysis as a primary data.
know nothing about statistics?
primary data is the data that you get by conducting survey or direct research.

after the senior manager presented my research to the upper boss.
the upper boss got attracted to my pilot project.
so they offered me sum of amount (thousands RM) to conduct the pilot project on a bigger scale.
and I accepted the challenge and yeah, that was my first research grant ever.

soon after that, my senior manager got headhunted by the main rival of my bank which sound like this "ROAR".
so I was wondering to whom shall i present my findings after all.
so I requested to my sub-supervisor(manager) that I would like to present this thing directly to the upper boss.

and today,I've already ended my attachment with the bank.
but I am still waiting for my presentation day.
which is scheduled to be 20th something of August.

back to the title, why it is a stupid request?
why?
why?

because i'm going to present the findings one-on-one with a CEO.
CEO of a (not the bank but the card that you used to pay toll).
yes that card.
that CEO of the card.

and later I thought to myself.
how stupid the request was.
wanting to present directly to the upper boss.

but I'm looking forward for it anyway.

:)

.random #2.

"a picture taken at woodlands imigration department,
a trip to sg pdg besar stadium with ultras"

i cant stop others from judging me.
who cares anyway.
at the end of the day, its between me and Him.

i am weird,i admit.

if i were given the chance to start my courses all over again.
i would opt for studies on "wahy knwoledge",sociology and philosophy, comparative religions, accounting, theoritical economics,hadith studies, english literature and arts, western history and script writings.
ambitious much?
literally in this world i need to have at least 5-6 degrees to master the disciplines.
but somehow i do believe its possible to master those without a "visible recognition" from educational institutions.
through readings, formal and informal classes/lectures and deliberate discussions.

recall the words from Prof Dr Sidek Baba during the first time when I went to his small lecture, he said Al-Qur'an is the book of the universe.
its like when you are reading the the verses, you are reading the universe.
his words have been in my head for more than 3 years since then.
absolutely, there is no doubt in that.

.random #1.

i made it publicly that i easily attracted to girls in specs.
it somehow reflects something special about them.
smart?wise?optimistic?cool in a way?muslimah?
erm.

but it was getting serious during my 2nd year of undergraduate studies.
which is almost 3 years ago (2008).
when i was looking for daphne loves derby's music video titled.
'simple starving to be safe'.
i accidentally found a cover by girls in specs.
and therefore, i told everyone around me that i like girls in specs.
pathetic much?



p/s : they are filipinos i believe.;p

.miserably agonized.

to an extent where nothing can hurt you anymore.
rather than your pathetic innocent mind.
maybe being in pain is the best place.
to find my greatest strength.
and yet.
nobody else knows.
what i'm trying to say.

.condolences to a siddiqy.

who lost her mother this evening.
i met her personally just once during raya gathering 2010.
a humble and wise politician.
which reflected in his son's character.
whom i personally respect whenever he speaks.
in program, usrah or random conversations.
may Her soul is under His Blessing.
ameen.

p/s : dear akhi,be as strong as you can be.

.the dark side.

prevailed most and illuminates the light of my heart.
at random mussolla.
i failed to recall verses of Him in solah.
even as simple as my favourite Al-Furqan's.
mostly when i was the leader.

none of hadiths are memorized for the past few months.
the nafs had too much fun.
no books of ulama' are in my grasp lately.
just fortune, the sun,malay mail and financial daily.

the heart is confused.
no usrah i can visit anymore.
only randon ta'lims and sermons.
"good" friends are also not around anymore.

every day is a struggle.
to be what a muslim should be.
the dark side shouldn't have controlled.
ya qalbi.

.nevertheless the same.

fun.
isn't defined in any specific way.

tragedy.
isn't something bad after all.

sins.
aren't the best memories for anyone including me.

idealistic.
isn't the most disastrous thing in my religion.

greed.
isn't the worst thing in the world.
it is worse than the word mentioned itself.

p/s: be ambitiously focus is better than anything else.

.unlike you.

I've stopped writing intellectual stuffs or things that i read somewhere and post it on this blog since years ago.
somehow i rather like the childish-teenager "expression" tone that this blog have.
it does represent the immature side of me.
i like.!

.occupiers of my radical mind.

her name is mina kimes.wonder who she is?please google.thank you.;)

right in your face.
i told you so.
you will get it because u deserved it.
that goes to a friend whom i predicted she is going to be a big shot corporate lad one day.
a big congratulation to diya.
now we can say that iium graduates are as good as overseas grad.
this is surely a boost for ama to be somebody too.
a song for you : "against tommorow"-khottal

for my other half.
don't get intimidated by anything else.
now u know having friends can't make u feel strong enough to be what you want to be.
it takes everything to be one.
the most important.
is urself.
sacrifices.good times.
in terms of happiness.
money.
physical energy.
emotionally.
and u always need Him to do that.
in good times and bad times.
always.
a song for you : "in every tear, He is there" - sami yusuf

for myself.
u've learnt a lot.
don't stop learning and keep growing.
revive ur dream.
insyaAllah u can make it.
you dont have enough time left.
a semester to figure out everything.
to get rid out of this place.:-)
a song for myself : "golden slumbers" : ben folds (the beatles cover)

p/s : thanks for everything to the 2nd person mentioned.;)

.astonished mind.

there are major differences between being knowledgeable and being wise.
don't you think so?

.so the history was made at down under.

so i bought a sideways long board which is not the 41" or 38" inch longboard,it is just 28.5" inch which i guess would be good enough for me.
but now,i'm out of idea of what skills can i pull out on this board besides old school skateboarding tricks.your say?

and i played skateboard at down under.
borrowed from kind and generous kids i met at mermaid beach.haha.
my cousin challenged me to show what can i do with the board.
so boldly i tried to 'heelflip' the board.and i did it on the 2nd try.
so i guess i still have the skills.hahaha.vain.
i hope so.

i will skate till my legs can't take it anymore.
enough said.

.grateful always.

the day before my last paper on last 14th april.
i decided,and khalid as well to play xbox with megat & e gang for a while.
because that night supposed to be my last night at uia.
so we went up to his room(yup,their room is above ours).
and we started playing around 10.30pm.
supposedly it ended around 1.00am(as agreed by khalid and me)
but it did not.it ended around 4am.
and yes,we have exam on e same day.
and guess what?
we didnt even cover quarter of the chapters covered in final yet we want to do something else.
but it was really worth it.
because there will be no xbox with lcd screen next sem.
going to miss those moments.
;(

.a young guy with a boy's heart inside.

check out this one :
http://shop.wl33.com/2010/11/mambu-flimflammer-29-complete-longboard
and you got this one.

i still have the passion in skateboarding.
but guess this one is a lil bit relaxing and cooler.
;)

going to buy one soon insyaAllah!

.monday blues.

so yesterday.
i pull out my amplifier and the cables out of the store room back in my backyard.
and now.
i have e amp,e cable and e guitar.
anything else?
a new song.
i need to write one.
aha.
;)

.do you know?.

the best gossip of the year next to miera liyana's under-age boobs exposed.
is the gossip of me wanting to extend my study period to compete with some people and to get some awards during convocation.

haish.
fitnah lagi.

my cgpa is not good enough.
don't worry.
for those who started or spread it directly or indirectly.
may Allah's love be with you.
i'm not that kind of guy.
different '_ _ z a t' probably.

thank you.
;)

.wisdom.

what do you know about islamic property financing?
what is the current problem of bba financing?
why do you think musyarakah financing is the best home financing?
what are the issues need to be addressed?

i will be assigned under the research team for islamic property financing.
wonder if i can contribute much about it.
insyaAllah.
a research need to be done.
;)

.grateful.

4 years back.
when i was still a first year student.
when i was still one of those ambitious lads.
i had a dream list.
of companies that i want to join after im done with my undergraduate studies.
i still remember the top 5 companies that i've put in the list.

1.Exxon Mobil.
2.PriceWaterhouseCoopers/Ernst & Young.
3.Shell
4.CIMB
5.Khazanah or Bank Negara

and last week.
i just realized that i already get associated with 3 from the list above.

exxon mobil contacted me for internship placement but since i've already submitted my confirmation letter with pwc,i rejected their offer.
pwc was my first working experience.great experience and great exposure.like seriously.
i am going to cimb for 2 months in jun and july for my vacation training attachment.
so two companies left?

grateful and surprised.
without me myself realizing it.
i managed to achieve that.
Allah Maha Besar kan?

but for sure.
it comes with responsibility and amanah.
and that seriously is not easy.
i hope Allah will give His bless during my next internship.
biiznillah.

p/s:
wonder what is islamic property management all about.the rules and criteria that qualify a property as islamic?~sigh

.after all.

there is nothing wrong for you to be alone.
u have been this way since you were born.
and you will always be.
stop wondering.
that your life would be much better.
if you have your friends all around you.
most of the time.
you are weird.
always are.
;)

p/s : thanks to everyone who commented in my previous post.;)

.deception.

disgusted.
that's what some people think about me.
get associated a lot with the other gender.
for which i barely flirt with.
or dated with.
or hang out with.
except my bestie.

loser.
thats how people see me.
think too much about how to change the world.
always get involved with critical discussions.
like i don't have other things to think of.

poser.
just because i play lot of sports seriously.
try to show off my skills too often.
too selective in choosing my teammates.
or play all the game like its FIFA's final.
but still lose in most of the tournaments.

boring.
pretend like the kind of music i'm listening to is damn cool.
acoustics,brit rock or other kind that i like.
they labeled me weird.emotional.or anti-social.sometimes a freak.

pretender.
talk about my own religion while i'm not from religious school.
dating someone while i still believe and hold strongly to my religion.
backbiting just after reciting the qur'an.
sometimes see things that i shouldn't see in the first place.
and do things i shouldn't do.

unrealistic.
holding on a believe which is too strong or unnecessary.(eg. i'm an anti capitalist)
too ambitious and too idealistic.
do lot of things at one time.
rejecting president post while it could be a credential for me as a graduating student.

flawless.
like there should be no exception if i made a mistake.
like they believe if i'm in someone's group, the result would be exceptionally great.
and my group members are not as good as me.

perceptions.judgment.assumptions.
are symptoms in my own culture.
malay culture.
and honestly.
i and most of you are sick with it.

don't try to justify everything you have done to others.
they would not be able to understand.
the more you try, the more complicated it would be.
let it be.

wise man saying, a respective figure in Islamic finance industry.
who is in charge of preparing BNM's shariah audit framework.
told me during our lunch together that trying to justify everything to others are not necessary.
i agreed with him and pointed out this.
"sir, i agreed with you.there is this saying,only wise men will understand the other wise men's saying"
he nodded and that's the end of the conversation.

a muslim.
don't live his life to impress others.
because one day you will get tired in doing that.
a muslim.
don't live his life to see others failed and be happy with it.
a muslim.
is not proud or expect anything in return for something great he has done or accomplished.
a muslim.
care about his other brothers.
and lot more.
you know better.

sometimes,think about this.
these words.
taqwa,amanah,istiqamah,ihsan,tawaddu' & etc.
do you feel something when you or your mind reading those words.
you might or might not.
why?.
because you know better.

immatured things.mistakes.sins.
i've done.
will remain as regrets.
in a good way.
for me to improve myself.
biiznillah.

among all.
i know i have some kindness left in my heart.
for things that i did to my friends and others.
for things that i did in fulfilling my responsibility.
for things that i did to Him as a servant.
i feel so grateful.

something happened today.
unexpectedly.
a junior.or a friend.
who is doing her practical training in one of the big four audit firm.
texted me and said.

lets call her "nina"(not her real name at all).

"salam.:).aidzat,nina skrg audit dekat ijn.
they know you and they call you super vt(vacation trainee) and jadi benchmark for other vt(vacation trainee)"

i was like surprised and felt so overwhelmed.
for once.
coming from a group of people.
that still have a good perception about me.

despite the whole semesters of false rumours spreading around among group of people.

why i extend my semester.
how i was involved with lot of girls.
why i resigned from the president post.
and others.

made me lose my confidence so much.

everything is a sign.
Allah swt want me to regain my confidence.
on things that i believe.
once a upon a time.

i'm a muslim.
who will always try to improve myself day by day.
insyaAllah.

this is surely a long post before final.:)

p/s :
one of my adais group members said some girls came to them and said,
"korang punye assignment mesti gempak kan?"
she replied
"why?"
they said
" because aidzat dalam group korang"

fyi,more than one girl said that to them.

if only they know that my group members did much more for the project compared to me and our group members were really complementing each other in doing the assignment.
if only they know by saying that they indirectly are saying the rest of my group members aren't capable of producing something great.underestimating people.hurm.

naive.zalim.typical malay.unacceptable.
tanggung dosa masing-masing.nafsi nafsi pun dosa pahala korang kan?
;)

.truth is the truth.

sometimes.
i wonder as i wander.
whether there is any kindness left.
in my heart.

p/s :no exception for it if you are a muslim

.rebels take over the nations leadership everywhere.

domino effect.
that is what they call it.
tunisia.egypt.libya.
even bahrain is rumored to be in the same situation.
overwhelmed or satisfaction?.
hopes or fears?
what have driven them to change the situation they currently in.
one thing for sure.
you can't change the world alone.
even you have the perfect idea how the world should be.
being an idealist alone.
is not enough.

don't you think so?

.reviving mode.

muhasabah.
istiqamah.
muraqabah.
taqwa.

some of the tools.
to achieve al-falah.

;)

.say later to dubai.say hye to cimb.

(lonely tuesday evening)



yerp.
i've decided that i am not going to dubai for my internship.
e main reason.
time.

may overseas trip.
jun,july and august left.
august is ramadhan.
i want to spend my time here.not there.
beside dubai want my 3 months hols.
cimb 2 months.
so more holiday.
and more activities.
and i can start preparing for acca later.

btw,im still not sure when im going to take cifp.
before or after acca.
haish.duish.tuuuussh.

so for my second internship.
they asked for my preferred departments.
my answers?

1.Shariah advisory (CIMB Islamic)
2.Alternative investment ( CIMB Islamic)
3.Investors Services (CIMB Investment)

goodluck to me.

may Allah's love be with me and you guys.;)

.smart people are like smarties.

dear guys.

who read a lot.know a lot of things.
have a firm stand on any issues or topics.

you must remember this.

you don't have to be proud of yourself.
you don't have to talk all the time.
you don't have to judge others easily.
you don't have to keep whining all the time.

i know people like you easily.
as easy as i know political practices everywhere is corrupted.
but,do you know what I'm so afraid of?

when you are confused with things that you know.
when you failed to act your thoughts into an action.
when you are doing nothing for the ummah but only do things to satisfy yourself.

i don't want to hate you because i respect you in a way.
and i don't hate people.i only dislike people.
but still.

because of you i'm not able to face my good friend again.
because of you her friends are looking at me like a bad guy.

and it's so pathetic if you think you did the right thing.
because it's what we called fitnah.

and i pray to Allah swt to forgive all your sins.
i don't have much hatred left in my heart for anything else.
because i was trained not to.
by your religion.kan?

p/s :
i take responsibility of things that i have done.
and your story is merely your assumptions of situations.
please meet me face to face young smart lady.
if you want to know the truth.
i hate smarties who act like a fool.
tau hadith ni,tau hadith tu.
tapi.perangai macam.
hurm.
Astaghfirullah.
may Allah swt forgives me.

-end of a drama-

get a life lar bro!

.lovely flies flying into the circle of uncertainty.

present.
plain and uncertain.
as it was distorted by someone's else misjudgment.

flair.
beautiful under control.
but not when in sudden.
as it will be just a fatal destruction.

i.
know what i have in myself.
know where i am going.
know what i am going to achieve.
know what i want to change in this world.

if i failed.
to lead my ummah to something great.
at least i know i have tried.
not once.

i don't live in this world to satisfy my own demand.
i am obliged.
to Him.
to the society.

qul amantu billahi thummastaqim.

p/s : .out of the sudden.:)

.hallucination of what's real and what's not.

i don't have the desire for anything.
yet.
i don't have things to fight for.
yet.
i don't need to be in-charge of anything.
yet.
i don't need to let myself drowned.
yet.
i don't have to kill myself.
yet.

i just need to get rid of the 'yet'.
now.

.2011.

the first mission.
i am going to be a capitalist.
:)
surprised?
me myself.:)