.when the least fall down too soon.

it's not unusual.

nor it is something normal.

it's the cliché of everyday's situation.

where we live in the world full of assumptions.

blink it once or twice.

the red narrow light caught your attention.

on the ceiling is the world of mice.

where none of the sounds seem to be an affection.

sometimes it's tiring,sometimes it's fun.

trying so hard to work on your dreams as yourself may.

can't yell at moon or shout at the sun.

because you are lost when you have nothing to say.

gibberishly speaking.

none of us are sinking.

but the least.

do.

no idea what i'm talking about?

-_-

.mesmerized.

i am not a mr nice guy.

i am not a socialite.

and thus people don't easily get comfortable being around me.

and for that i am sorry.

for them.

and for myself.

i have tried my best.

or still trying.

to win everybody's heart.

but it is proven.

that i failed.

.say later to dubai.say hye to cimb.

(lonely tuesday evening)



yerp.
i've decided that i am not going to dubai for my internship.
e main reason.
time.

may overseas trip.
jun,july and august left.
august is ramadhan.
i want to spend my time here.not there.
beside dubai want my 3 months hols.
cimb 2 months.
so more holiday.
and more activities.
and i can start preparing for acca later.

btw,im still not sure when im going to take cifp.
before or after acca.
haish.duish.tuuuussh.

so for my second internship.
they asked for my preferred departments.
my answers?

1.Shariah advisory (CIMB Islamic)
2.Alternative investment ( CIMB Islamic)
3.Investors Services (CIMB Investment)

goodluck to me.

may Allah's love be with me and you guys.;)

.never-ending futsal.

we lost for the 3rd time.
in a row.
with different teams apparently.
record for this holiday so far.
10 games.7 win.3 lose.
my right ankle seems to lose its power.
hurm?

p/s : finding a template for resignation letter for president's post resignation.or should i create my own?haish~

.once not so in a blue moon.

the best part of this week was.
i had weird and strange dreams almost everyday.
this morning,the dream that got me wake up.
was the weirdest one ever.

the situation :
i was on my way to my class and suddenly there was this lady who approached me bluntly and introduced herself as reporter from a media tv and ask me this question.

the personel involved :
unknown reporter - UR
me myself - AFA

UR : i would like to interview you regards to the current government development project.(i heard she was mumbling something about felda koridor tengah.apa tu?)

AFA :(what is this?!!),erm, you really want my opinion?.(with blurry face)

UR : yar,if you have something in your mind.(does he know anything about it?)

(hurm, i have things to say about this)

AFA : i have my personal view on this, do you really want to interview me?

UR : yurp.before we discuss about that,try to comment on this one.what do you think of 'konsep persamaan'?

(i spent few minutes to absorb the question.'konsep persamaan'?maybe in allocation of national resources kot?why she used malay term?i guess it must be the 'equality concept')

(and the thoughts and conceptual example with nelson mandela's concept of distributive justice, maqasid al-syariah and etc keep coming in my head,so i begin my answer with...)

AFA : If you're referring to the equality concept,this can be explained through.....

i woke up before i finished explaining my view on that but what was that?
a critical question to be answered in a dream?
phheeeuuuhh.

.life is not all about achievements.

i'm not such a good guy.
i have my own flaws.
among them :

i love war.
between bad guys and good guys.
it is something herm.
thrilling?exciting?.

weird.

p/s : goodluck north korea.:)

.doomed.

i feel like I'm nothing.
i have nothing.
i know nothing.
and this is so frustrating.

while i see u.
as something.
have everything.
need nothing.

i don't know what i want to be.
auditor?.fund manager?.lecturer?.
business consultant?.marketeer?.a banker?.

what I'm sure of is i want to keep getting better.
achieve more than what i have.
help others.
getting closer to Him.
in any way i can.

do i need them to be in perfection?.
you think?.

perfection is an illustration of world of hopes without fears.
sadly the real world deals with both.
obviously my words doesn't fit with the real world's demand.
hence,i can't do much about that.
i just need to redefine what is the real perfection again.
and again.

so where is this going?.
i have no idea.
i don't even know where this is coming from.
;/

.failures.i don't really like being stupid.

we are human.
we like to know things.
if we are not sure about something.
we search for the answer.
we google 'em.
we ask people around.
we read magazines.
we listen to others.
we observe the surrounding.
we try to perceive anything that can be relate to them.
yet.
we failed.

i'm getting used to failures.
no problem with that.
but i don't like being stupid.
not at all.

this is not going to stop me from reading and knowing things.

we hate you lousy education system.!
your artificial merits is the one that allow irresponsible people lead the country.!

;/

.someone new.

i just figured out this lady today.
but her videos on youtube has been posted since 2006.
i'm so outdated.;(

btw,shes good.quite good i would say.:)

introducing : nerina pallot



p/s : ai ai.;)

.satisfied.

officially i've resigned from the president's post.
i don't want to be someone that i'm not.
i just want to be myself.
a free-man and remain as an idealist.
and let only me myself define what the word 'cool' means to me.

p/s : thank you mdm for the consideration given.well,u can't stop me pun.hehe.;)

.tragedy happens in a wonderful time.(liyana's light writing)

eh.?

1.when can i start studying for final?
2.why everyone is getting married/engaged?why now?why not 3 or 4 years later?
3.why is she being nice to me?
4.what if she leaves me,will it just be another circle?
5.why i hate and don't want the president's post?
6.why i think about my mum lately?
7.why,what if,how,when,who?.

p/s : when words unspoken,thoughts are written by silence in isolation.

.i cant stop.

when some devote themselves to social life.
others passionate their days with intellectual stuff.

as the world evolves and leave nothing but a perfection for disasters.
the aristocrats will keep smiling to those below their silver lining castle.

capitalism in any form is disastrous.

p/s :
amir shakib ar-salan in his book 'factors of the fall of muslim civilization',said one of the factors is when the hearts of aristocracy filled with evil habits and jealousy.

tiba2 teringat things i read masa first year.;-)

.i love this song.:-)

i cry myself to sleep at night
i'm a ball of tears the moment i hit the lights
o my
what have i done?
i've pushed all my friends away
now my heart is beating me
like my daddy did
when i misbehaved

and lonely is my friend
she tucks me in
out of concern
she lights a candle
so i'm not the only one who burns
lonely, won't stay with me
til the morning birds sing their
clever words
and the songs they call
fill this lonely world

i drag my feet across the ground
i think they're the ones
who are dragging me into the crowd
o my my
but why should i care
if anyone thinks i'm cool
is it so bad that i prefer
the company of my solitude?


.david knight-lonely is my friend.

.stumbled into something not so new.

when regrets hold you back from moving on.
you fell.
when the fears slow down your pace from minutes to hours.
you drowned.
when solitude feels like a blessing in disguise.
you crawled.
when you have feeling for someone.
you cried.

it doesnt make sense at all.

.pain put your heart to the ground.

When the wind blows down this hard,
Many a bond is broken.
See the water lie on the ground
From where the heavens opened.

Lord, how will you get through this night
With your dreams departed?
And who alone will comfort you?
Only the broken hearted.

So you've gone beyond your means,
Every wound is open,
Your best laid plans are out of reach,
And all your fears unspoken.

Sweet revenge is spoken then;
In the twilight it is gone.
To living lies with no escape,
Lord, I would rather be alone.

I press my fingers to the wood
To tell you of my dreaming,
To sing you songs from olden times,
To keep the love light gleaming.

'Cause there's a place where we can go,
Where we will not be parted.
And who alone will enter there?
Only the broken hearted.

eric clapton - broken hearted

.conferences.

after browsing through list of conferences, i want to join two conferences that will be held soon around july/august.which is my kind of conferences(finance,islamic banking,accounting or leadership).want to know the details?(in case you want to join me?haha)

1st Option
Title : Asia Islamic Banking Conference
Venue : TBD (Kuala Lumpur)
Date : 5th to 7th July
Fees : TBD (i hope its below RM1k)
Organizer : Flemming Gulf Conferences (international organizer) & other big parties.

2nd Option
Title : 7th Kuala Lumpur Islamic Finance Conference
Venue : Hotel Nikko (Kuala Lumpur)
Date : 3th to 4th August
Fees : RM 2000 to RM2500
Organizer : Malaysia International Islamic Finance Centre(MIFC) & other big names.(dow jones,maybanks,hsbc,klse,rhb,wsj & etc)

i hope i'll be able to join one of these, havent apply to my scholar's body yet,but im sure they will approve them,ops,one of them.huhu.;-)

p/s ; i need to offline now,there's this guy in the cc that keep saying f**k every 2 minutes.sakit telinga woo.salam.;-)

.idealism vs realism.(pre-intro)

(a secret : when i was in matriculation,i was influenced by science courses seniors to play skateboards every weekends' midnight, and out of all the place, i would say, block b, clinics and stairs to library are the best!and stairs dkat khadijah's college gak lpstu kena kejar dgn mak guard,it wasnt my idea,abg2 senior tu hati kering.huhu.)

.please to be informed that above writings has nothing to do with the title mentioned.

if im about to talk about this topic,i need more than one post to explain about these two opposite nature of people,idealist and realist(rationalist is not a synonym for realist).

i biasly perceived myself as an idealist,as during my childhood,i chose skateboard over football,eventhough no one play skateboard in my neighbourhood (beloved pusat bandar puchong), i myself insist my parent to buy one every year for my birthday's gifts( from form 1 untill form 5).yes,so 5 skateboards.(tapi tinggal satu je,lain m.i.a).

im an idealist when i hate ordinary kids doing ordinary things,it's boring and lame.
so i do different thing,skateboard.

i travel here and there,i spent lavishly on skateboard things,magazines,cds & etc.my counsin once called me a poser,my friends laughed at me everytime i pass by their house to go skateboarding.it was hard to find the right place at my neighbourhood,usual place would be the bus station(depan smkpbp),tasik(recreational area with 2 basket courts),shoplots depan giant bandar puteri(by now all the shops are fully occupied) and basketball court wawasan 1.

sometimes i got fed up,playing alone, without a proper place to play, so sometimes i just play basketball or football rather than go for skating,thats when my situation from being an idealist switch to being a realist.but im not a realist.so i keep skating,

thats the pre-intro

p/s : one of my favourites , andrew reynolds with sam's town (the killers).

.capitalist.

i recall a discussion between panelist from penang based developer's representative@panelist and BFM deejay on friday morning(otw to IJN@creepy lovely client).

the developer : penang based company.
the panelist : annoying capitalist
the bfm deejay : moderate idealist & realist

they started with the intro and company development and later they went further into specific discussion which touches upon their recent project in penang.

dj : regards to your recent project in penang, u are expecting to deal with squatters that have been there for years, what will you do upon that situation?

panelist : oh true, we are expecting to deal with that, but we do believe we don't have any problem with them as we have enough experience in dealing with squatters.that is not even our concern at the moment.as usual, they will ally with NGO and politicians but that will not change anything as we know how to play the game and the result will be a win-win situation.and bla3...
(with her annoying tone ever)


and the discussion went on....

my naive thought : there is nothing wrong with her answer, its a typical answer you would expect from any developing company, but the tone of arrogance? it makes an ugly capitalist seems uglier.ppppfffttt.

p/s : not emotional.just being rational.

.satisfaction.

is when i turn my dreams into reality.
is when being close with Him and He really can forgives me for mistakes that i've done.
is when i'm am able to fully appreciate people around me by kindness,through thoughts,words & actions.

keywords :
1.fisabillillah.
2.habluminnas and habluminaAllah.
3.al-falah.

.i'm scared.

this feeling is killing me.
seconds.minutes.hours.
you shouldnt do this to me.
you should've known better.
any guy would feel the same way i feel.
your awesomeness.
is not bareable.

i've met much of your species.
i've known some that attract me.
i'd become close with few.
i'd hooked up twice.
but none of them stay till now.

supposed i'd no reasons to bother about this anymore.
i'd promised to myself not to fill my head with these stupid feeling stuff.
and i managed to hold on that promise for last few months.
and now you come and trying to knock my heart.

im scared of breaking my own promise.
please dont do this.
:-(