.so close to something left unknown.

the transmission of an affection.

perfect your satisfaction.

the vibes that lose its direction.

replace the missing fractions.

the hopes are losing their ways.

reaching an unknown destination.

while created out of their say.

resembles beatles' nowhere man it may.

blurry minded and blinded heart.

confused eyes and stupid thoughts.

flowing like a flood in thailand.

show some mercy on the mother land.

the truths are not the truth anymore.

the lies are not just lies i'm sure.

keep moving my steps off the ground.

i failed to change, there is no sound.

the astray dogs are looking at me.

thought they've seen a perfect meat.

no incarnation i can think of.

as i rather die for nothing now.

created out of nothing,for nothing.

2.11 am.

28th oct 2011.

iium

.haze.

behind it,you can't tell.

the surface of underlying truth is coloured by an artificial pretentious cover.

the sound that is coming out from it tells a different story.

and thus, the truth is still not being uncovered by any of your fury.

the sickness of hopes have let yourself down.

the perfect lies are the one who make you still standing strongly.

but too bad and it is too late that you have awake.

of reaching the point that we are all fake.

amusingly claimed that you know what is wrong with the world.

while you have failed to know what is wrong with you.

your idealistic mind is not suitable.

to exist in the world while we are all still puzzled.

by everything.

the confused soul.

Friday, October, 2011

.the least of everything.

guilt.
indecisive mind.
losing hopes.
confused.
in ignorance.

yet i am still holding on to my dreams.
to be someone who can contribute towards ummah development.
to be a catalyst of the ummah that can achieve better things.
and i need Him.
along the way.

.an optimist who is drowned in the sea of pessimists.(not mine - wani ardy)

superficial.
when it has no direction.
when it has no meaning for its existence.
when it has no reasons to believe in it anymore.

flawed.
when you are losing faith in a faith based system.
when no one bothers the real intention of its creation.
when the hundred years effort is serving the needs of the living beast.

desolated.
when the stages it needs to fully serve its intention are
nowhere to be seen.
nowhere to be builded upon.
nowhere to believe in at this very moment.

revise everything.
re-evaluate the whole thing.
re-structure the whole system.

i had enough of believing.
when i see the one who preaches failed and give up on it.
when the culprits who practicing it bother no more.
to stay on the right path.
if it all falls down in the next 15 years.
remember things that u've read in this post.
those things are the flaws of.

islamic banking and services.

12th September 2011.

.the day has come.

do not compare singapore and malaysia.
the sizes are obviously different.
the initial stage was different.
the complexity of issues and problems are different.
so stop comparing.
an apple with a durian.
we are smelly but surely we have the sweet taste as well.
don't you think so?.

.i want to have that glimpse again.

of things that i really want.
of being someone that i really want to be.

fears.
have stopped me from running again.
they said i don't deserved anything else anymore.
the judgmental people have displayed their perfect tone.
strike me right in the heart of this weak fragile soul.

i.
rather be in a place where i have nothing to worry about.
where there is no expectation of what i wanna do.
where the body feel like giving out its very best.
and the energy wasted for no one's satisfaction.

procrastination.
of things that are meaningful to me is not a big deal.
but when it involved someone else's rights, i have to avoid it at my very best.

winning is desirable, losing is inevitable
because the world works that way.
some call it the law of nature.
while i call it a "sunnatullah".

.like seriously.

who cares about pure kindness nowadays
a capitalist doesn't care about what they can do for the society.

the least they could do is:

they create the word 'philanthropy' activities.
to signifies that they care about human being.

but maybe acceptable since they do something nice even with the expectation of getting public acknowledgment.
referring to this - fiqh maxim :
'choose the least between two harms'

p/s : fabricated kindness.is there such word?.;)

.suddenly.

while i was reading sayd qutb's maa'lim fil al-tariq of english version : milestone.
something triggered me to say this to myself.

lama dah tak dengar ceramah, usrah atau ta'lim ttg hukum atau isu agama.
reading is one of the ways but it'll never be enough.
am i going to be one of those liberalist?

BIG no.

p/s : lets see.at the moment radio pun ok kot.

.funny.funny.funny.

you can't wait to feel positive to move forward.
act your way into feeling good.
that's the only way to start thinking more positively about yourself.
understand?.

p/s : yusuf islam datang uiam?pheuh.:)

.beautiful things are distraction.

if capitalism lies in the idea of maximizing capability and ignoring inequality.
is it harmful to the society?.
of course you say yes.
we should eliminate capitalism.

tapi cakap tak serupa bikin.
tajuk eap : malaysia should involved more in free trade activities.

p/s :
i have issues with 4 things
1.capitalism
2.secularism
3.realism vs idealism
4.loneliness

.an old video.hippy tunes.lazy mood.;p

.back in school.

this content is not to be made for public,its for friends and family members only.
(i know my sneaky cousins always read my blog.thank you)



i would say i wasnt merely a student during my school days.i never revised anything(even for spm).i was considered as a weirdo by the school lads.i was e invisble guy in school.i did things that my friends would avoid without a thought .poetry, debating, pidato, syarahan,dikir barat & etc,and yes,i did represent my school for most of the events.won once in district level and none since.funny and humiliating,i was called putera 'smk**1' during assembly(by beloved teacher anom) since i keep getting the prizes or certificates from mr principal.but yet, i was an emotional,anti-social,stubborn and unpredictable young kid.i get annoyed by mean jokes easily.and i hate organized things.to conclude,i was an ordinary boy without much bother upon anything.and so, i cant really understand how i deserved to be called putera 'smk**1'.so,it was a little bit humiliating to be called that way.indeed,i hate books.

so when i got into form 2, i avoid myself from joining any similar competition.but somehow,i still had to join 3-4 competitions.and i lost for syarahan,a competition where my teachers would expect me to win again.for others, i failed to win anything.bu.it wasnt my thing.all i want to do is to go for skateboarding every evening,or basketball,or football.but still,i dont care much about what you or others would expect from me.so during form 3,i trained friends of mine to replace my place for syarahan and poetry things.and i even had a sajak of my own(i created those),which my friend used in district competition.;p.watever it is,i had enough of joining such things.

form 3,i played sports more than anything else.if im not mistaken,i joined 'And 1 basketball 3x3' held at usj summit during this particular year.and yeah,i still with my skateboard and sometimes,football.this year was the year where i start travelling here and there to find a skatepark or skate-able spots.i even played at danga bay skatepark which is the cool windy skatepark ever.(it was like playing at the long beach,california skatepark).i even had the chance to skate at ttc skatepark,b.b.bangi(i was still living in puchong back then).and other skateparks as well,like sunway extreme park.(and im not sure if they still have skatepark by now).eventhough i was all alone,i learned much from these experiences.

form 4 and form 5 ,nothing much, more into sports(bowling,pingpong), scout?(haha,i received the golden badge at district level but never that active in school), and facilitator thingy(thanx cikgu said).and i started to mingle with people.what a surprised change hah?,:-).and i started to expressed myself through music,various bands,known and unknown accompanied me day and night.

fact num 1 :
enough for that,by middle of 2005, there was a girl who was my bestfriend opened my eyes towards the meaning of life,dreams,purposes,hopes and since that,i suddenly changed to someone better.i hope i did.;p

fact number 2 :
this is not my whole experience,just part of it,to recall myself,of who i was,and who i am now.
the answer : ordinary boy with unsettled dreams.

fact number 3 :
and teacher anom who once called me prince of the school during assembly is the sister-in-law of my AGA's lecturer : dr n**** anum.and teacher anom told me(as we met on my raya's open house) that she told everything about me to my lecturer already(and i have more dark moments in school than the good ones).no wonder dr. n**** keep looking at me after raya's holiday break in her class,and guess what, i skipped aga class more than 3 times already by the time she told me.huhu.


p/s : eventhough i wasnt 'so call' a good student, i hate smoking,hang out at cc,coupling and etc.im glad i was naturally inclined to the good things.pfffftttt.and i still have bunches of skateboarding magazine(malaysia scene) and vcds of malaysia skateboarders,nak pinjam?

.strangers everyday,yet so close.(part one)

have you ever meet someone and within seconds you say, 'you look familiar , have we meet before or something', and later, it continues with unnecessary long 'question and answer' session.sometimes you might get lucky that you really have seen/meet them before, otherwise you don't, at the end, you have to stop the conversation or start with a new one, both ways, it would be awkward.am i right?:-)

it's something common and happens everyday,why would i bother much about it?simple as it should be, it amuses me much and i noticed how simple things can mean something meaningful out of it.it's nothing extraordinary but it implies one thing, we are not the only one who living in this world, there is always someone else, stranger!.you call them by that name at the moment, but later, you might call them with something else.friends?uncle?by name?or etc.whatever it is, let the time decides.btw,i cant say much about how the 'let the time decides' works exactly but i do have stories to make it clearer.:-)

at the moment, im still in my intership period with this audit firm which have numbers of clients located around klang valley and selangor.so far, ive been assigned job to 5 clients including client i currently auditing.the first one in sunway,which require me to drive straight from home and honestly, it was so tiring and costly(the claims didnt help much though) and hitz.fm gotcha call was my buddy every morning.nothing much about the first job as it was the worst job ive ever assigned.second one is interesting.located in the heart of kl,jalan raja chulan.i drove to bandar tasik selatan,took star lrt to hang tuah, and monorail to raja chulan.and walked quite a distance to the office.so how do the journeys relate to the story?

as i parked at the bandar tasik selatan(bts) car park,there will always be 4 indian guy there, one would take my money and give me the ticket, another one would return the balance(if any) and the remaining two 'cool' dudes(they were so damn nice to me) would be at large car park assisting the customers to park their car and as i was one of them, they assisted me for the first few days.nothing much about it but guess what, on the next day, the 4 dudes already recognized my car very well eventhough they were 150++ other customers everyday in that car park, but still, they knew me by the second day.sometimes, when i get off the car, one of them would shouted at me in nice way 'abang,apa khabar',and yup,they cheered my morning.:p.

i'm an observant(as agreed by imran to not call ourselves stalker but an observant.hehe),which also means im not in ignorance most of the time upon things or people around us, so by observing the way they noticed me, my heart started to noticing them as well.;)

hey friends, i might dont recognized them that much,but for some reasons, i do believe if i meet them one day in random shopping mall,at random streets, i would say, i've met this indian guys somewhere,they look so familiar,but where and when?.i could spend hours thinking about it.strangers?they are.but yet so close to me.;-)

to be continued

p/s : car park's dudes are cool huh?wait for star lrt's buddies and ladies.and the monorail's professionals.;-)

.they lost their souls to the night.

when the dancers made their moves.
they convinced the world they are livin in their own world.
which seems better at some moments.
but not most of the time.

when the music stopped.
the moves mean nothing.
rather being an illiteral expression.
they were trying hard to get a little more attention.

in their eyes.
i saw despair.loneliness.meaningless sights.
unable to express through the moves and songs.
they just like the paperdolls who lost their souls to the night.

;-)

.sleep to succeed.

this is my first song.hah,:-)

sleep to succeed.

dreams,dreams,dreams.
dreams are made for a fool like me.
wish,wish,wish.
wish on everything that u can believe

dont let anyone or anything let it dissapear.
who knows everything you wish for can easily be so real.

live,live,live.
live your life with a great spirit.
find,find,find.
find everything it takes to keep you breathe.

dont let anyone or anything let it dissapear.
who knows everything you wish for can easily be so real.

there are moments of sadness & tragedy.
so irresistable but its part of our memories.
never hold on too long in pain.
coz u would never want to lose your perfect sane.

dont let anyone or anything let it dissapear.
who knows everything you wish for can easily be so real.

dont let anyone or anything let it fly away.
i dont think twice to say today is gonna be my day.

dont let anyone or anything let it burn in flame.
you know theres no one else to be blame. but yourself.

lalalala till the end~

:-)

.break the ice.taste the indefinite beautiful glimpse.

i find it funny.
to know how i let myself.
attached to exaggerated emotion.
but time,
remind me something.
of things that ive been missing.
while i was busy degrading myself.

now i shall keep reminding myself.
how things should be taken with ease.
and the believe than i can be a better person no matter what i've done.
just make me smile.
without any other reason.

:-)

p/s : thats not funny.haish.

.done.but not an end.

i dreamed about something..
and i make it become true.
i said something.
i always force and make sure myself to do.

bad things.tried best to avoid.
good things.often get or left ignored.
bad choices.your fault.
good choices.its your Lord.

you shouldn't complained if you already chose something.
if you can accept it,stay.
if not,just run away.

why should you do something crazy.
intuition work best with unexpected.
you've replied my messagges and its not easy.
i just don't want to know anything till i'm fully prepared.

i woke up with one question.
yes or no.what and so.
it's your heart and soul.
that need to be purified.
before asking someone else to do so.

its funny how life goes.
harder than it looks.but easy as it means.
it depends on how you feel.
enjoy it as long as you can.

people come and goes.
some died and some just left.
i don't want to meet you again.
i just said something that you already have.

i have my own standard for everything.
name it.sports.life.thought.material stuff.
but now i realise,theres 2 undefined standard i couldnt set.
ibadh & love.

i said too much.i've done too far.
now you're gone ,and it's not easy.
but times help me as it goes by.
now there is no one i love left in my memory.

=)

.the lemonade gist.

spend seconds to think about this.

Dr. Daniel Amen's age principle : 18/40/60.
18 : age where you care most what people around you think
40 : age where you don't care what people around you think.
60 : there is no one to think about you anymore.

funny.and that's a common fact=)

sit down and relaxed.take a deep breathe and think about yourself.
1st question : where are you right now?
*what your capabilities are?what have you done?are you satisfied with yourself?physically and mentally? & etc.
2nd question : where are you going?
*what you want to be in the future?how it looks like specifically?your financial capability?your wife?your contribution to community?your akhlak?your academic?your leisure time? & etc.

if only you can answer above ques with comprehensive details,you will success.don't worry how to get what you want,the how will be decided by Him and supported by your effort.

this the lemonade gist.it taste extremely sour,but thats what you need.

have a nice day.=)

.welcoming you to 'wasting-your-time' blog.

salam.
this guy is a friend of yours.
who are trying to revive his old blog.
again?.hehe.

come and read.
critize it at maximum pace.
thank you.
datang lagi.

=)