.deception.

disgusted.
that's what some people think about me.
get associated a lot with the other gender.
for which i barely flirt with.
or dated with.
or hang out with.
except my bestie.

loser.
thats how people see me.
think too much about how to change the world.
always get involved with critical discussions.
like i don't have other things to think of.

poser.
just because i play lot of sports seriously.
try to show off my skills too often.
too selective in choosing my teammates.
or play all the game like its FIFA's final.
but still lose in most of the tournaments.

boring.
pretend like the kind of music i'm listening to is damn cool.
acoustics,brit rock or other kind that i like.
they labeled me weird.emotional.or anti-social.sometimes a freak.

pretender.
talk about my own religion while i'm not from religious school.
dating someone while i still believe and hold strongly to my religion.
backbiting just after reciting the qur'an.
sometimes see things that i shouldn't see in the first place.
and do things i shouldn't do.

unrealistic.
holding on a believe which is too strong or unnecessary.(eg. i'm an anti capitalist)
too ambitious and too idealistic.
do lot of things at one time.
rejecting president post while it could be a credential for me as a graduating student.

flawless.
like there should be no exception if i made a mistake.
like they believe if i'm in someone's group, the result would be exceptionally great.
and my group members are not as good as me.

perceptions.judgment.assumptions.
are symptoms in my own culture.
malay culture.
and honestly.
i and most of you are sick with it.

don't try to justify everything you have done to others.
they would not be able to understand.
the more you try, the more complicated it would be.
let it be.

wise man saying, a respective figure in Islamic finance industry.
who is in charge of preparing BNM's shariah audit framework.
told me during our lunch together that trying to justify everything to others are not necessary.
i agreed with him and pointed out this.
"sir, i agreed with you.there is this saying,only wise men will understand the other wise men's saying"
he nodded and that's the end of the conversation.

a muslim.
don't live his life to impress others.
because one day you will get tired in doing that.
a muslim.
don't live his life to see others failed and be happy with it.
a muslim.
is not proud or expect anything in return for something great he has done or accomplished.
a muslim.
care about his other brothers.
and lot more.
you know better.

sometimes,think about this.
these words.
taqwa,amanah,istiqamah,ihsan,tawaddu' & etc.
do you feel something when you or your mind reading those words.
you might or might not.
why?.
because you know better.

immatured things.mistakes.sins.
i've done.
will remain as regrets.
in a good way.
for me to improve myself.
biiznillah.

among all.
i know i have some kindness left in my heart.
for things that i did to my friends and others.
for things that i did in fulfilling my responsibility.
for things that i did to Him as a servant.
i feel so grateful.

something happened today.
unexpectedly.
a junior.or a friend.
who is doing her practical training in one of the big four audit firm.
texted me and said.

lets call her "nina"(not her real name at all).

"salam.:).aidzat,nina skrg audit dekat ijn.
they know you and they call you super vt(vacation trainee) and jadi benchmark for other vt(vacation trainee)"

i was like surprised and felt so overwhelmed.
for once.
coming from a group of people.
that still have a good perception about me.

despite the whole semesters of false rumours spreading around among group of people.

why i extend my semester.
how i was involved with lot of girls.
why i resigned from the president post.
and others.

made me lose my confidence so much.

everything is a sign.
Allah swt want me to regain my confidence.
on things that i believe.
once a upon a time.

i'm a muslim.
who will always try to improve myself day by day.
insyaAllah.

this is surely a long post before final.:)

p/s :
one of my adais group members said some girls came to them and said,
"korang punye assignment mesti gempak kan?"
she replied
"why?"
they said
" because aidzat dalam group korang"

fyi,more than one girl said that to them.

if only they know that my group members did much more for the project compared to me and our group members were really complementing each other in doing the assignment.
if only they know by saying that they indirectly are saying the rest of my group members aren't capable of producing something great.underestimating people.hurm.

naive.zalim.typical malay.unacceptable.
tanggung dosa masing-masing.nafsi nafsi pun dosa pahala korang kan?
;)